Friday

What a great Friday I had

Thursday on my way into Winn Dixie, a great piece of ass caught my eye. I was behind her so I just watched her rump dance around like Britney Spears after a few Bull Blasters. This woman’s butt was perfection in blue jeans. As we were grabbing our carts she turned around to me and I got a look at her face; she was old and that shocked me. Her face was quite wrinkled, but you could tell at one time she was very attractive. She has the age wrinkles around her mouth, eyes and on her forehead. At the time, I guessed she was probably in her early 50’s, but if you were to just see her from the neck down, you would guess she was in her mid 20’s and she had a set of lung warts that most 19 year olds would kill for. No doubt she has purchased a new BMW for some plastic surgeon.

Anyway, she pulled a buggy out for me and I started my shopping. Two aisles later I met her coming up the spice aisle and there was this fat lady taking up ¾ of the aisle, so “Glenda” and I had to play “You wanna dance?” to get by the chunker that was taking up most of the aisle. At that point there was a bit of flirting that went on; nothing major, just a few awkward giggles and some eye contact. I grabbed a box of turtle brownies and kept moving.

The next run-in took place in the bread aisle. We walked past each other, more eye contact and more smiles. I decided to do the “Crap! I forgot something” turnaround so I could watch that lovely derriere of hers. Glenda stopped at the hot dogs buns, bent over to get some bread and revealed her hot pink thong to me. At this point I decided to run The Method on her, and, as is the case about 85% of the time, it worked on Glenda. I finished my shopping and hit the road.

Friday, I called Glenda and we set up a meeting for Friday night. We met at the Oxford Baymont Inn, room 209. Most here are familiar with the stories of my sexual prowess, but on this night, and I’m not bragging when I say this, I was on another level. I don’t know if it was due to her wrinkled face or the fact that she liked to talk a lot, but whatever it was, it made me a machine and I plugged her non-stop for a solid 45 minutes. To Glenda’s credit, she never quit and put forth the effort of a true champion. I could have made her do anything I wanted, and for the most part, I did. To save myself a suspension, I won’t go into great detail as to what she did, but it was things you would see in 1970’s porno films.

After I finished her off, I got dressed, said my goodbyes and left her recovering on the bed. It was around 9:30 and I had not eaten anything, so I decided to go to Applebee’s and get a bite to eat. I guess about halfway through my meal I started noticing this group of people sitting across from me. One guy in particular looked very familiar, so I sat there eating my riblets trying to figure out how I knew the guy and then it hit me; he’s Ivan Drago. It’s not often that one gets to meet a movie star, so I decided to introduce myself.

About an hour later I was still sitting at the table having a discussion with Dolph Lundren. Apparently, he is making a sequel to the movie “Stone Cold”. He is going to direct and star in the movie. Omar, one of the guys sitting at the table with us, asked if I would like to come back to their hotel and hang out for a little while. It seems that they liked my accent and wanted to get me on tape so Dolph could “study a true Southern accent”. For the next 3 hours we drank beer, watched a couple of the girls that were with them make out for cash and shot off some fireworks in the parking lot. By the way, if you happened to be staying at the Holiday Inn there in Oxford Friday night, sorry about all the noise.

So, when Stone Cold II drops directly to DVD and you watch it, just know that his character is based off me.

What a great Friday it was