Q&A With Terry K

Here at Stump Productions we like to interview popular members of Tider Insider from time to time. Today, we are quite fortunate to have one of the founding fathers of TI here with us; Mr. Terry K.
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Stump: Terry thanks for taking the time to speak with me today.

Terry K.: I’m sure you are honored.

Stump: I am. Terry, here on Tider Insider, you are not only one of the most well connected members, but you are without a doubt the smartest poster here. Can you peel back the potato and shed a little light on what makes you so great?

Terry K.: Well, for starters, every morning when I get up I drink a glass full of my urine because I piss nothing but perfection. Also, I wear women’s panties, eat lots of popcorn shrimp and read TV Guide.

Stump: Drink your own urine? Does that not taste bad?

Terry K.: Not at all. My urine tastes like a mixture of fried squash, beetroot juice and just a hint of Elmer’s Glue. I consider it my own version of V8 – Terry K. juice if you will.

Stump: And the women’s panties?

Terry K.: That is a little something I picked up from Bull Durham. It helps me use both sides of my brain when I am enlightening the TI masses with my infinite wisdom and my dexterous vocabulary.

Stump: I see. Well, other than being the all-knowing here on TI; what are some of your other hobbies?

Terry K.: I’m a cowboy.

Stump: A cowboy? What does that entail?

Terry K.: It’s nothing like that damn Brokeback Mountain if that’s what you’re insinuating.

Stump: Not at all, Terry. I’ve just never met a real cowboy so I really don’t know what they do.

Terry K.: Well, for starters I’m pretty good with a Winchester and in my younger days I was the best bronco buster in the entire Southeast. I won several medals and a whole bunch of other stuff with my bronco busting ability. Also, once a year I travel to Wyoming for a cattle drive, and I live by the Cowboy Code of Conduct.

Stump: Cowboy Code of Conduct?

Terry K.: It’s like the Bible for regular people and it would take me too long to explain it to a twit like you, but the gist of it is that I live right, treat women with respect, work hard and I never break my word.

Stump: Interesting. So, what are your thoughts on Coach Nick Saban?

Terry K.: I think he is a skilled coach, but I am sure I could do a better job.

Stump: You coach football?

Terry K.: No, but I have coached a group of truck drivers to 9 straight World Crokinole Championships.

Stump: Isn’t that a little different than football?

Terry K.: Let me give you a little bit of advice, son. You need to shut that brainless hole you call a mouth when talking about things that are above your level of intelligence. Crokinole, like football, requires a coach that is able to outthink his opponents. I can outthink anyone except maybe Albert Einstein and he’s dead, so I have no doubts that I could run circles around the mental midgets that coach football and lead Crimson Tide to multiple national championships if I was just given the chance.

Stump: Well, Terry thanks for taking time out of your day to enlighten us.

Terry K.: I’m sure it’s been your pleasure.