Rush Propst

So Ol’ Rush, The Ol’ High School Coach, The Ding decided to step down at Hoover U? I have talked with people who say, I knew the first time I saw Rush talk that he was an ass, or, Did you see how he talked to those kids on that show?

Honestly, I could have told you people that a long time ago, even before he went on to fame and fortune there at Hoover U. You see, Rush is from Ohatchee. He is river scum. Before Rush, the most famous person from Ohatchee was the guy that caught an 83 pound catfish down at the Ohatchee Dam. Him, or the guy that goes around town selling homemade pies (peach, apple or pecan).

Like the saying everyone knows, You can take the trash out of the trailer park but you cant take the trailer park out of the trash (think Britney Spears), there is a saying in this part of Alabama, You can take the clodhopper out of Ohatchee but you cant take the Ohatchee out of the clodhopper. Ohatchee is in his talk. Ohatchee is in his hair. Ohatchee in his blood. Ohatchee is ingrained into his very soul.

A perfect example of Ohatchee thinking was witnessed by everyone last night when Rush said; I want everyone to know that I had an affair. I’m human blah…blah….blah….blah.

The word affair, to me, sounds like one or two sexcapades in some dirty motel that has jizz stained sheets and rents rooms by the hour. He has a second family living somewhere. That’s not an affair – Mormonish, yes, but affair that is not, yet Rush honestly thinks what he did is "just an affair". He made a mistake. The devil took hold of his pole and made him make a mistake. It's ok now, though, because he has dropped to his knees and asked for forgiveness. That is Ohatchee. Rush doesnt know that Beelzebub isnt the one influencing him, it's his heritage, his pedigree.

Rush Propst. The name itself sounds like a 3rd rate porn star.

I really don’t blame Rush for this, though. I blame Ohatchee. There used to be this store in Ohatchee called “Red’s Tavern”. It was just like Ike Godsey’s General Merchandise and Red was just like Ike Godsey. You would walk into the store and the first thing you had to do was step over Red’s prized coon dog “Jim”. The store had a pot-belly stove, two old guys sitting in rocking chairs playin’ checkers and the hearty aroma of horse feed and hard candy. I used to love going in that store with my Paw-Paw and listening to the old guys talk about football and telling their latest fishing stories.

Red ran his store like Ike did, too. He would buy local goods and sell it in his store. He also allowed people to have a line of credit. Red was Old School and he didn’t change when Ohatchee went from Small Town Alabama to Meth Capital of Alabama, so people started taking advantage of Red. They would run-up a huge bill and stick Red with it. Eventually, Red closed down the store and died in an abandoned camper on the outskirts of town. He made sure he didn't die in Ohatchee.

Today, Red’s store is a gathering place for meth-heads, gutterpups and loose women. That is Ohatchee. It is the 1930’s mixed with Compton, West Virginia and Mexico. That is Rush Propst’s home.

Citizens of Ohatchee should not be allowed to leave the city limits because things like Rush’s situation happen, and while that is common for Ohatchee, it tends to shock people that aren’t from that hell hole.

What truly, truly amazes me, though, is that the high-ups there at Hoover were so blind to the Ohatchee monster that is Rush Probst. Not only did they allow him to coach their children for years, but they also allowed MTV to come in and air their dirty laundry for the whole world to see. That’s like putting Michael Jackson in charge of a Boy Scout Troop or going down on Paris Hilton, it’s just moronic. These people should be packing their bags right along with Rush.

Did you see that one episode of Two-A-Days when Rush went back to Ohatchee? When he visited his parents graves and then went to see his grandmother? One of his cousins that they put on the show was wearing a J&K Logging shirt, coaching shorts and a heavy five-o-clock shadow and she was the best looking one of the bunch. His grandmother? She looked like an Ebola corpse lying there on her bed puffing on an unfiltered Luck Strike and singing Rush's praises. That is Ohatchee.

Rush should be forced back into Ohatchee and out of the public spotlight.

I do, however, have to give Rush props for making it as far as he has in life. He has made Ohatchee proud, I'm sure.